Archive for the ‘Jokes & Riddles’ Category

Jimmy’s letter from camp?

Monday, June 1st, 2009
bperez2002 asked:


Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are

okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned

because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to

ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if

it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without

telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to

look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the

wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have

to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.

We think it’s a neat bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride

on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in

the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how

to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith

wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it’s

concrete because we didn’t have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can

still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets.

He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his

arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover

chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became

our scoutmaster.

He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what

is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don’t worry

about anything. We are fine and tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.

Love, Jimmie

See your 2008 Updated Credit Report here

Euphemisms for Masterbation, Female some these are funny For mature ONLY?

Sunday, May 10th, 2009
Willy asked:


A euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant; also : the expression so substituted.

A
A night in with the girls
Airing the orchid
Auditioning the finger puppets

B
Banana in your box
Bangin’ the hood
Beat the beaver
Beat the c!it
Beating around the bush
Beaver bop, The
Bisecting the triangle
Bo-diddle, To
Brushing the beaver
Buff the weasel
Buffin’ the muffin
Burro ride through Grand Canyon
Bushwhacking
Buttering up the whisker biscuit

C
Candlesticking
Carpet bumping
Cat got your tongue
Cuddle your c!it
Checking for squirrels
Cherry twist
Choking the oyster
Churning butter
Clam bake for one
Cleaning the fish
Cleaning your fingers
Cleaving it to Beaver
C!it clamp
Clitters
Clubbin’ the nubbin’
Coming into your own
Composing on the single key piano
Cook the clam
Cook your nookie
Cradle the cooch
Creamin’
Cucumber in your cooze
Cuddling the kitty
Cup your c@nt

D
Dialing the rotary phone
Dickless ***** dance, The
Diddling
Diddling the bean
Digging a trench
Digging for clam
Dip your digits
Do the nasty
Doing your nails
Double clicking your mouse
Dousing the digits
Drawing inside the lines
Drilling for maiden water
Drowning the crabs

E
Engaging in safe sex
Engaging in a hot button issue
Erasing the problem

F
Fanning the fur
Feed the beaver
Feed the cat
Feeding the bearded clam
Feeding your slot
Feel the fur
Fiddle with your middle
Fiddling the bean
Finger blasting
Fingerbating
Fingerpainting
Five knuckle gusset shuffle
Flickin’ the bean
Flickin’ your c!it
Flipping the switch
Flit the c!it
Flounder feeling
Fluff your muff
Fondling the flaps
Frigging
F@cking without complications
Furry finger f@ck, The

G
Gagging the cat
Gagging the clam
Gagging the lips of love
Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
Get a date with slick mittens
Get a lube job
Get nasty
Get to know yourself
Get a stinky pinky
Giving lip service
Giving the fuzzy bunny a carrot
Giving yourself the finger
Going mining
Groping the grotto
Greasing the slit
Greasing your hips
Grissle rub
Grooving the groove
Gusset typing

H
Harmonious hand hump, The
Having some clam dip
Having *** with someone you love
Hee-haw with wrinkled mee-maw
Hello Kitty
Hiking the canyon
Hitchhiking south
Hitchhiking to Heaven
Hitchhiking under the big top
Hump the bump

I
Ironing some wrinkles
Itch the ditch
Itching the scratch

J
Jackin’ the flaps
Jerkin’ your merkin
Jillin’ off
Jocelyn Eldering

K
Killing the ferret
Kit Kat shuffle
Knifing
Knuckle f@cking
Knuckle shuffle

L
Ladle out the gravy boat
Leave it to beaver
Let the fingers do the walkin’
Levy break limbo
Lick your lips
Lovin’ your oven
Lucy

M
Make the tide come in
Making soup
Manual override
Massaging the mistress
Mauling the Maid
Melting snow
Merry widow waltz, The
Mistressbation
Muffin buffin’

N
Non-penile pleasure pursuit, The
Nulling the void
Nuzzle your fuzz

O
Oiling the puss
Orchid grinding
Ordaining the valley

P
Paddling the pink canoe
Palmolive finger dip, The
Pampering the p@ssy
Panning for gold
Parting the Red Sea
Parting the waters
Pearl fishing
Pet the petunia
Pet the p@ssy
Petting the poodle
Piddle the pooter
Pipe cleaning
Plunging the skunk guts
Polishing the nugget
Polishing the peanut
Polishing the pearl
Polishing your nails
Pound the mound
Plan B
Play the clitar
Playing couch hockey for one
Playing poke-her
Playing the old one-key piano
Playing the silent trombone
Playing with her pineapple
Playing with Mrs. Palmer’s five daughters
Playing with the ferret
Playing with the man in the boat
Plumbing the bottomless pit of passion
Pull your c!it ’til you spit
Punishing the pink
Punt your c@nt
Pushing the button
P@ssy soccer

Q
Quackle the queen
Quim slippin’

R
Renting a boat for one in central park
Riding the unicycle
Ringing for service
Rolling the dough
Rolling the pebble
Rounding the mound
Rowing your one (wo)man canoe
Rub your cooze ’til you ooze
Rubbin’ the nubbin
Rubbing the donut
Rubbing the red pussycat

S
Scoring the hoop
Scratch your snatch
Scrubbing the dishpan
See if the baby’s home
Shadow boxing
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln
She-bop
Shelling the oyster
Slapping the south mouth
Soak your seat
Soaking the whisker biscuit
Spank the fish
Spelunking
Spearing the bearded clam
Spinning the record
Split your slit
Splittin’ the kitten
Squeeze the peach
Stirring the clam chowder
Stirring the trough
Stroke the peekaboo Nellie
Stroke your slit
Strokin’ and pokin’
Strumming
Strumming the banjo
Stuffing the turkey
Surfing the channel
Swat your twat
Sweeping the streets of Tuna Town

T
Teasing the kitty
Teasing the tuna taco
Testing the batteries
Testing the plumbing
Tibetan self-inflicted crotch nuzzle, The
Tickling the bean
Tickling the Elmo
Tickling the (tuna) taco
Tiptoe through the twolips
Toggling the bit
Tossing pink salad
Three point shot
Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
Tugging the vertical smile
Tuning the taco
Twaddling the twat
Two finger taco tango

U
Undergarment typing
Unwrapping the gift box

V
Vacuuming the carpet
Virgin’s release, The

W
Walk through the valley of love, A
Washing your fingers
Watering the grass
Wet your whistle
Womanipulation

X
X-boxing

Y
Yanking the ya-ya

Z
[none]

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
From; http://www.starma.com/penis/pinky/pinky.html This 1 been censored!

See your 2008 Updated Credit Report here

i now it’s a bit long ?

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
kunaki asked:


Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother & tell her he is okay. He can’t write ’cause of the cast.

I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect some thing to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance. We think it’s a neat bus.

He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he’s a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jesse how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn’t crabby like some Scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about us not wearing life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what?

We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.

I’m so glad he got out and became our Scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.

By the way, what is a pedal file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer. Don’t worry about anything. We’re fine.

Love, Chris

See your 2008 Updated Credit Report here